Thrilling update: Aesha starts to confront Ellie, who will have to leave Below Deck Mediterranean Season 9?
It’s the last charter on Below Deck Mediterranean season 9: yes, we’re on the penultimate episode, also known as the episode where absolutely nothing happens because the editors are saving everything good for next week’s finale.
With Below Deck Med ending, Bravo just announced the next in the franchise: Below Deck Sailing Yacht will return. Bravo’s press release mentions the return of Captain Glenn, Daisy, and Gary (ugh), though the preview that ran during the commercials excluded Gary entirely. Is that because of what reportedly happened during season four?
Alas, Gary is in this extended trailer. I just don’t know if I can take a season of that fucking guy, so I hope it minimizes him and/or he falls overboard and has to swim to shore, because the rest looks fun, from a naked person falling on Glenn to Drag Race alum Detox on board as a guest. That starts Oct. 7.
Today, we’re starting the last charter, with guest Stacey Jennings his husband Brad Driver, who you may remember from Below Deck Down Under. I barely did; I barely will. Is it too much to ask for some drunk guests to throw a chair in the water or something?
First, though, Gael recovers from her breakdown about Nathan planning to have Joe visit him. “I’m okay. I just had a moment of weakness,” Gael said, trying to smile so hard I thought her head might actually pop.
“Go and have cuddles,” Aesha said, putting Gael in Nathan’s bed. Nathan asked her what’s wrong and she said “nothing.” Ah, communication. This relationship is going to last, what, one or two days beyond this season?
Later, Gael told Nathan, “I still don’t really know you,” and he said “shut up.”
Nathan said, “I love you more and more,” and Gael said, “Okay, just show it.” Then Joe came in and Nathan crawled down in his bunk and showed Gael how much he loves her.
Meanwhile, Joe is still salivating over Carrie, but says, “I don’t even want to go there.” Nathan told us that is “utter bullshit” and said “that is what he does.” Yep, your bro is a fuckboy.
In real love news, Captain Sandy’s girlfriend is on the way to visit and either get engaged or reject Captain Sandy on national TV. Aesha is producing this event, and shares that they all live in Colorado together, hang out, and compare poop, or at least I assume they would if Aesha had her way.
For this Sandy wants just a simple, casual moment, like a flower-lined dock leading to a table where there’s a violinist and “peach tea in a champagne glass,” and all of that has to be flawless. “I just want it to be perfect,” she says, “absolutely perfect.”
Well, okay then, as long as you don’t set impossibly high standards for one five-minute period in your life that will be orchestrated in part by your crew of incompetent dummies. (A preview for next week shows Joe getting a line wrapped up in the tender’s propeller, so that’s exciting.)
Sandy is worried about her mortal enemy, wind. “I hope the weather’s going to be great,” she says.
In the funniest moment, Sandy asks Aesha if she thinks Leah will know what’s happening. Aesha’s like, um, yeah, once she sees the fact that you’ve stage managed the dock so much it looks like a Bachelorette finale.
She’ll probably also know because Sandy is basically spoiling it: “I have a special treat for you tomorrow,” Sandy says, and her girlfriend said, “You and your surprises.” I expected Sandy to be like, You’ll never guess what it is! Definitely not a proposal!! What is your ring size?
The episode’s major drama, if you can call it that, involves Ellie, who’s still quite insecure about Carrie’s presence on the boat. She’s constantly seeking reassurance from Aesha (DO WE DROP CARRIE OFF AT DOCK AND LEAVE HER NOW?) and micromanaging the other stews (PUT BALLOON THERE YOU STUPID COW!).
During their stew meeting, there’s a fleeting moment when Aesha praises Bri for the laundry, which has miraculously not been delivered to the crew of Below Deck Sailing Yacht, and then praised Ellie’s table decorations, and says, “you’re nailing it.”
But then Aesha shares that Carrie is much faster at all the tasks, and Ellie’s face sinks and I think she may have tried to dig her eyes out with her fingers:
Aesha’s so over Ellie that she’s being overtly hostile, which for Aesha equals sarcasm. Ellie is in her cabin when provisions arrive, and when she finally arrives on Deck, Aesha says, “Oh, thanks for coming up right at the end. We finished.”
Ellie tries to help Bri in cabins, and Aesha is like, “No. Just do what I’ve said.” Then she notices Ellie hasn’t wiped down the walls, and calls for Ellie because “there’s finger marks everywhere,” probably from Joe trying to hit on the wood paneling.
But Ellie is dancing in the crew mess and having fun—which, honestly, it’s nice to see Ellie not trying to destroy everyone with laser eyes, but also Aesha is pissed that Ellie’s ignoring her.
Carrie doesn’t mind Ellie bossing her around, noting that it’s “nice to not have a lot of responsibility” after her last job, when “I went from chief stew to caregiver” when the boat’s owner’s wife died. Yikes.
The guests arrive and Iain, awake from a nap, does the shocker and yells “it’s the last charter,” and I was embarrassed for him and everyone in that interview room.
Iain does manage to get the boat out of the dock without ramming it into another boat, prompting one of the gaggle of gays to say “they pulled out clean.” That’s about the level of entertainment these guests bring: gay sex jokes.
Down in the galley, Jono is thrilled for “a group of guests that are all queer” because “I haven’t met many gay or Black people in the industry,” and he makes a valid point about diversity in yachting that I ignored because I was too busy trying to make a joke out of “I haven’t met many…” …other chefs? YouTube recipes that weren’t from someone’s grandma? charter guests who I haven’t killed?
Jono wants to “make sure they’re extra happy,” and thus plans on, and I quote, “flavor flavor okurrr.”
For an example of how much the editors stretched to fill this episode and save the actual content for next week’s finale, they included this actual exchange:
Sandy: “How’s it going?”
Jono: “Wonderfully. How are you?”
Sandy: “Good.”
Ellie is confused about why the guests want a party themed to “Swedish pop music. We’re in Greece.” But ultimately she doesn’t care, because, as she says, “Table decor at this point is the only thing bringing me any sort of joy on this soul-sucking boat.”
Below deck, Nathan’s in tighty whities showing off his penis to the world while trying to get into costume. Gael asks, “How’s anyone fit this?” She’s apparently talking about the costume, a leotard that seems designed for a child, because it fits about up to Nathan’s mid-torso. Aesha sees him and says, “Well-done. That’s quite large.”
In a joint bro interview, Joe called it “very questionable” and Nathan said, “when me granddad sees me in that, I’ll lose me surname.”
In Iain news, he put the Progress Pride flag up, and hung it correctly. He also asks to go on the excursion to Posideon’s Temple with the guests. Sandy agrees, probably because having her bosun off the boat is safer than having him on it.
Aesha decided to send Bri as a reward for not putting all of their clothes in the trash, or trying to wash their laundry using champagne. Bri was so thrilled that she hugged Aesha through tears.
Iain told us that, “in my role, I find I’m sometimes more behind the scenes, making everything run,” which must be what he’s doing in bed all the time.
“I’ve always been an entertainment kind of person,” he says, and that comes in the form of facts about temple he shares with the guests. Hilariously, Bri tells us, “Iain and I really aren’t the best entertainers on the boat.” Oh, you’re entertaining, just for your incompetence.
Oh, I kid Bri and Iain. Seriously, Iain seems—pretty great with the guests? He’s laughing, they’re having fun, he has facts, they seem interested. I mean, this is just a few moments of screen time, but maybe he’s in the wrong job? The same might be true for Bri, too. She offers the guests ice water instead of, say, motor oil. Impressive!
The trip seems fine and the guests seem happy and there’s just nothing happening. Back on board, Sandy tells Iain, “go and get the drag queens,” and he says, “Joe and Gael will go,” because of course he’ll have others do the work. Joe is somehow not a monstrous dick to Gael on the boat ride, and Gael wonders why he can’t be like that all the time.
Aesha asks Carrie about Ellie, who says, “If I had to do a whole season like this, I’d be really struggling to bite my tongue.” Aesha finally snaps when Ellie starts clearing the table without radioing, I think, and then it’s time for the big confrontation!
“I feel like you have been overstepping as the second,” Aesha tells Ellie, the line we’ve already heard in the preview for the episode and the teasers during the breaks. “The job as the second is to delegate when I’m not around.”
But wait: the credits are starting. What?! “I would never disrespect you like that,” Ellie says, and instead of Aesha, say, firing her, we get a flashback to all of Ellie’s bad second stew behavior, like when she screamed at Bri, “SINCE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW BOATS WORK SECOND STEW OUTRANKS YOU.”
The preview for the finale shows Ellie saying, “Fuck that. I’m not taking shit.” But based on how this season has gone, I’d guess that Ellie does, in fact, not receive any actual shit. But a firing in the finale would certainly be dramatic!
