Transgender man furious at doctors who called him ‘mother’ after giving birth: “I am not a mother!”

Although he has identified as a man for years and clearly communicated this, nurses and doctors continued to refer to him with terms like “mom” and “mother.” His experience highlights a sensitive and ongoing discussion about how medical care addresses gender identity and language.

Pregnant as a transgender man: no longer a rarity
The individual in question, Bennett Kaspar-Williams (37), lives in Los Angeles and became a parent to his son Hudson in October 2020.

He gave birth via C-section, with his partner Malik by his side. While it may seem rare, an increasing number of transgender men and non-binary individuals are choosing to have children, if their bodies allow it.

Bennett began his transition in 2014, after acknowledging in 2011 that he was transgender. He started hormone therapy and underwent top surgery, but left his reproductive organs intact.

When he and his partner decided to start a family, he knew he would need to stop testosterone temporarily to restore fertility. He became pregnant naturally soon after.

A delivery filled with confusion and frustration
Although Bennett was physically and emotionally prepared for the pregnancy, the medical support created considerable stress.

Despite clearly stating on forms and in conversations that he is a man and prefers he/him pronouns, nurses continued to refer to him as “mother” and used female pronouns.

According to Bennett, this wasn’t just a simple mistake, but a systemic issue in healthcare. He explained that the way society—and especially the medical field—equates pregnancy with womanhood was incredibly confronting and painful for him. In an interview, he said it wasn’t the pregnancy that caused him dysphoria, but the constant misgendering.

Motherhood isn’t always feminine
One of the key points Bennett makes is the need to separate the concept of “motherhood” from femininity.

He argues that not everyone who gives birth is a mother, and not every mother is necessarily a woman. While this challenges traditional norms, it reflects the lived reality of many people with diverse gender identities.

Bennett believes that in American healthcare, it’s not just about medical care but also about selling an image—pregnancy as something inherently feminine, mothers as nurturing figures. For him, that image is outdated and problematic.

He advocates for more neutral language in healthcare, making space for different forms of parenthood.

Medical paperwork doesn’t match reality
Even though Bennett had legally changed his gender to “male,” this didn’t matter much in practice.

The medical staff reverted to old habits and assumptions. Even during childbirth—a vulnerable moment when it’s essential for patients to feel safe and acknowledged—he was repeatedly addressed as “mom.”

This added extra stress to the already intense physical and emotional experience of childbirth. According to Bennett, it clearly shows how poorly trained many healthcare professionals still are in dealing with gender diversity. While society is making progress, hospitals and clinics often lag behind in knowledge and empathy.

Gender and fertility: more nuance is needed
Bennett emphasizes that having a uterus doesn’t automatically mean someone can or wants to become pregnant. Just as not every woman becomes a mother, not every parent who gives birth is a woman. This nuance is often missing in public discourse and medical protocols.

He therefore calls for a more inclusive approach. He believes healthcare professionals need better training in gender-sensitive practices and must actively listen to their patients’ preferences.

Respecting someone’s chosen name and pronouns should not be an extra step—it should be the norm.

The impact of language on well-being
To outsiders, a misused word or incorrect title might seem minor.

But for people like Bennett, it has a massive impact on mental well-being—especially during vulnerable times like pregnancy, when physical and emotional sensitivity is high.

Being constantly misgendered led Bennett to feel invisible and frustrated. Not because he was ashamed of his situation, but because he wasn’t being acknowledged for who he is. More and more transgender and non-binary parents want to make this experience part of the broader conversation.

A wider call for change
Bennett Kaspar-Williams’ story is not unique. Transgender parents around the world are asking for more recognition and understanding within healthcare systems.

They’re not asking for special treatment—just basic respect: believe what someone says about themselves, and adjust your language accordingly.

Healthcare providers play a crucial role here. By simply asking for someone’s name, pronouns, and their role in the family, a lot of discomfort and confusion can be avoided. Most importantly, it shows that every patient matters—regardless of gender or identity.

What do you think? Should healthcare become more inclusive for transgender and non-binary parents? Leave your opinion in the comments and share this story if you believe everyone deserves respectful care.